Reverend Byrne - Minister2Go!
(210) 63907183
rev@minister2go.net
(210) 63907183
rev@minister2go.net
MINISTER'S MUSINGS
The Minister2Go! Program is a Christian-based outreach program. Even though we’re Christian-based, we
serve persons of diverse backgrounds, in the belief that respectful interaction advances the discovery of truth,
mutual understanding, self-realization, and the common good. The following represent my thoughts on some of
the more important aspects related to life, relationships, and commitments.
Commitment:
I think Paul Stookey’s take on this, in his creation “The Wedding Song,” is a wonderful example of what
“commitment” is. In his song, based loosely on a verse from the book of Genesis, he writes “a man shall leave
his mother and a woman leave her home and they shall travel on to where the two shall be as one. As it was in
the beginning is now and til the end woman draws her life from man and gives it back again. And there is Love,
there is Love.” How beautiful!
The book of Genesis speaks to the “traditional” marriage commitment. But truly, when any two people commit
their lives to one another, through traditional marriage or another union of love, it is a beautiful thing. They create
a covenant – a sacred contract – that bonds their lives together. This covenant is representative of a sacred
social institution (i.e. “marriage”) and comes complete with intense spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial
responsibilities. It is not an arrangement that should be entered into lightly.
Though this union is representative of the couple’s love for one another, true commitment requires much more
than just love. It requires a deep understanding of personalities, beliefs and values; and it requires long-term
investiture of time. Couples who understand the essence of making a permanent commitment realize that it’s
much more than just a decision not to divorce. It’s a commitment to do the daily work of keeping the commitment
alive. It may mean turning off the TV or taking a nightly walk in order to listen to each other’s concerns. These
simple actions, and many more, are the stuff of commitment. They are the actions that keep a marriage vibrant,
interesting, and exciting so that temptations to make another choice don’t erupt.
Love:
One of the most often uttered instructions from ministers to those we serve is to “love one another.” But, what is
love? We typically define “love” as an undefinable emotion, a state of the heart, resulting from some
combination of chemistry or association of like-minded individuals. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it
would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. Maybe we like the mystery of it. But is it
really that complicated?
Nicholas Sparks writes, "Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a
pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." To love someone means that you accept them
simply because, with no conditions. It also means that you appreciate the other person for who they are, their
joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. To love someone also means that you want them to be
happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. You want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Giving of yourself—your body, mind and spirit—through a formal commitment before your family, friends and
community is one of the most time-honored means of expressing your love. But this act of commitment is an
expression that occurs in a singular moment of time. Couples must make deliberate efforts, after the formal
commitment, to nourish their love so that it does not wither. Relationships require action and choice. They
change over the course of time. You don't just "have a relationship" but you practice daily to keep a relationship
even in painful moments. What attracted you to your partner is always there and you can recall that feeling when
you need to. The choice is letting yourself become adept at recalling loving moments and replacing the
moments of anger and resentment with loving thoughts.
Faith:
Faith is a term we typically associate with religion. But its actual meaning has less to do with religion than with a
specific state of acceptance of the unknown. Faith is, quite simply, the trust, belief, or hope in a concept or idea
which has not yet been proven.
I believe that faith is an important aspect of any relationship (secular, spiritual, or religious); and has a
particularly special place in a committed relationship. We must, as committed members of a relationship, have
faith in one another. We must have faith that our love is true and will withstand the test of time. We must have
faith that we will be honest with one another, will accept one another, will trust one another, and will be faithful to
our definition of what a relationship should be.
Faith, however, is not something that we approach blindly. There are many who will tell you that we should
simply accept some things, without question, without dispute, on face value alone. However, it is my firm belief
that we come to a state of faith through honest exploration of our personal beliefs. For those of you who are of a
religious nature, this requirement is supported in scripture. Second Corinthians 11:13,14,15 tells us specifically
that we should doubt and question that which is presented before us simply on faith. It is our duty as followers
of a higher power to seek greater understanding or knowledge of the divine. To either discover or understand
spiritual truths requires your cooperation--a deep soul searching. Jesus said: "If any person wants to obey God,
he will know of the truth, whether it is of God or if I speak my own words" (John 7:17, paraphrased).
Additional layers of faith (spiritual, religious, other) may also be incorporated into commitment if so desired.
However, it is my firm belief that these added layers are very personal expressions; and should be both deeply
meaningful and authentic reflections of who you are as individuals. Shared faith (spiritual, religious, other) is not
absolutely essential to a lasting commitment; however, it is my personal belief that where conflicts of faith exist,
couples should strive for compromise to create a more harmonious living environment.
Honor:
Honor is another very important aspect of commitment. Honor is, first and foremost, a decision. It is the simple
decision to place high value, worth, and importance on another person—your partner or spouse, to view him or
her as a priceless gift and grant that person a position in your life worthy of great respect. In other words, honor
is a gift we give to others. It isn't purchased by their actions or contingent on our emotions. You're giving them
distinction whether or not they like it, want it, or deserve it. You will soon see honoring your mate gives legs to the
words "I love you."
Giving honor (Ephesians 6:2) to a partner or spouse means to prize your relationship with them or to value your
relationship with them. Honor is not only the first step of love, it's also the single most important principle for
building an intimate relationship. The literal definition of honor is "to give preference to someone by attaching
high value to them." When you confer honor you're thinking, "I'm married to an extremely valuable person. I'm
making the decision to consider him or her even more important than I consider myself to be." Honor is the goal,
the prize, the hope that you bestow upon your mate. Honor can also serve as a reminder; encouraging you to
repair any damage you cause in your relationship, simply because you honor your mate.
Obedience:
Obedience is an interesting concept. Many couples have chosen to remove any reference to this item from their
public commitment because they see it as old-fashioned or demeaning. The problem, I think, arises from an
issue of language.
The concept of obedience in relation to commitment arises from the book of Ephesians. The root of “obey” in
both New Testament Greek and in the Latin of the early Western Christian Church comes from words meaning
“listen.” The somewhat old-fashioned word “harken” (as in “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”) comes closer to the
intent of Scripture-based obedience than does the concept of slavishly following a master’s every whim. When a
couple agrees to pledge obedience to one another (usually part of the older “to love, honor and obey” phrasing
included in traditional ceremonies), they are agreeing to listen to each other intently and with purpose; to pay
attention to the counsel the partner or spouse provides.
The word “obey” is certainly not a requirement for any ceremony. However, I do encourage couples to at least
think about the term in the broader sense and come to an agreement about what “obedience” will mean within
the confines of their own relationship prior to making a formal commitment to one another.
The Minister2Go! Program is a Christian-based outreach program. Even though we’re Christian-based, we
serve persons of diverse backgrounds, in the belief that respectful interaction advances the discovery of truth,
mutual understanding, self-realization, and the common good. The following represent my thoughts on some of
the more important aspects related to life, relationships, and commitments.
Commitment:
I think Paul Stookey’s take on this, in his creation “The Wedding Song,” is a wonderful example of what
“commitment” is. In his song, based loosely on a verse from the book of Genesis, he writes “a man shall leave
his mother and a woman leave her home and they shall travel on to where the two shall be as one. As it was in
the beginning is now and til the end woman draws her life from man and gives it back again. And there is Love,
there is Love.” How beautiful!
The book of Genesis speaks to the “traditional” marriage commitment. But truly, when any two people commit
their lives to one another, through traditional marriage or another union of love, it is a beautiful thing. They create
a covenant – a sacred contract – that bonds their lives together. This covenant is representative of a sacred
social institution (i.e. “marriage”) and comes complete with intense spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial
responsibilities. It is not an arrangement that should be entered into lightly.
Though this union is representative of the couple’s love for one another, true commitment requires much more
than just love. It requires a deep understanding of personalities, beliefs and values; and it requires long-term
investiture of time. Couples who understand the essence of making a permanent commitment realize that it’s
much more than just a decision not to divorce. It’s a commitment to do the daily work of keeping the commitment
alive. It may mean turning off the TV or taking a nightly walk in order to listen to each other’s concerns. These
simple actions, and many more, are the stuff of commitment. They are the actions that keep a marriage vibrant,
interesting, and exciting so that temptations to make another choice don’t erupt.
Love:
One of the most often uttered instructions from ministers to those we serve is to “love one another.” But, what is
love? We typically define “love” as an undefinable emotion, a state of the heart, resulting from some
combination of chemistry or association of like-minded individuals. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it
would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. Maybe we like the mystery of it. But is it
really that complicated?
Nicholas Sparks writes, "Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a
pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." To love someone means that you accept them
simply because, with no conditions. It also means that you appreciate the other person for who they are, their
joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. To love someone also means that you want them to be
happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. You want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Giving of yourself—your body, mind and spirit—through a formal commitment before your family, friends and
community is one of the most time-honored means of expressing your love. But this act of commitment is an
expression that occurs in a singular moment of time. Couples must make deliberate efforts, after the formal
commitment, to nourish their love so that it does not wither. Relationships require action and choice. They
change over the course of time. You don't just "have a relationship" but you practice daily to keep a relationship
even in painful moments. What attracted you to your partner is always there and you can recall that feeling when
you need to. The choice is letting yourself become adept at recalling loving moments and replacing the
moments of anger and resentment with loving thoughts.
Faith:
Faith is a term we typically associate with religion. But its actual meaning has less to do with religion than with a
specific state of acceptance of the unknown. Faith is, quite simply, the trust, belief, or hope in a concept or idea
which has not yet been proven.
I believe that faith is an important aspect of any relationship (secular, spiritual, or religious); and has a
particularly special place in a committed relationship. We must, as committed members of a relationship, have
faith in one another. We must have faith that our love is true and will withstand the test of time. We must have
faith that we will be honest with one another, will accept one another, will trust one another, and will be faithful to
our definition of what a relationship should be.
Faith, however, is not something that we approach blindly. There are many who will tell you that we should
simply accept some things, without question, without dispute, on face value alone. However, it is my firm belief
that we come to a state of faith through honest exploration of our personal beliefs. For those of you who are of a
religious nature, this requirement is supported in scripture. Second Corinthians 11:13,14,15 tells us specifically
that we should doubt and question that which is presented before us simply on faith. It is our duty as followers
of a higher power to seek greater understanding or knowledge of the divine. To either discover or understand
spiritual truths requires your cooperation--a deep soul searching. Jesus said: "If any person wants to obey God,
he will know of the truth, whether it is of God or if I speak my own words" (John 7:17, paraphrased).
Additional layers of faith (spiritual, religious, other) may also be incorporated into commitment if so desired.
However, it is my firm belief that these added layers are very personal expressions; and should be both deeply
meaningful and authentic reflections of who you are as individuals. Shared faith (spiritual, religious, other) is not
absolutely essential to a lasting commitment; however, it is my personal belief that where conflicts of faith exist,
couples should strive for compromise to create a more harmonious living environment.
Honor:
Honor is another very important aspect of commitment. Honor is, first and foremost, a decision. It is the simple
decision to place high value, worth, and importance on another person—your partner or spouse, to view him or
her as a priceless gift and grant that person a position in your life worthy of great respect. In other words, honor
is a gift we give to others. It isn't purchased by their actions or contingent on our emotions. You're giving them
distinction whether or not they like it, want it, or deserve it. You will soon see honoring your mate gives legs to the
words "I love you."
Giving honor (Ephesians 6:2) to a partner or spouse means to prize your relationship with them or to value your
relationship with them. Honor is not only the first step of love, it's also the single most important principle for
building an intimate relationship. The literal definition of honor is "to give preference to someone by attaching
high value to them." When you confer honor you're thinking, "I'm married to an extremely valuable person. I'm
making the decision to consider him or her even more important than I consider myself to be." Honor is the goal,
the prize, the hope that you bestow upon your mate. Honor can also serve as a reminder; encouraging you to
repair any damage you cause in your relationship, simply because you honor your mate.
Obedience:
Obedience is an interesting concept. Many couples have chosen to remove any reference to this item from their
public commitment because they see it as old-fashioned or demeaning. The problem, I think, arises from an
issue of language.
The concept of obedience in relation to commitment arises from the book of Ephesians. The root of “obey” in
both New Testament Greek and in the Latin of the early Western Christian Church comes from words meaning
“listen.” The somewhat old-fashioned word “harken” (as in “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”) comes closer to the
intent of Scripture-based obedience than does the concept of slavishly following a master’s every whim. When a
couple agrees to pledge obedience to one another (usually part of the older “to love, honor and obey” phrasing
included in traditional ceremonies), they are agreeing to listen to each other intently and with purpose; to pay
attention to the counsel the partner or spouse provides.
The word “obey” is certainly not a requirement for any ceremony. However, I do encourage couples to at least
think about the term in the broader sense and come to an agreement about what “obedience” will mean within
the confines of their own relationship prior to making a formal commitment to one another.
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